or not.
since bsg season 2 is over for the time being, and i can no longer gaze upon the incredible thunkiness of jamie bamber, i turn my attention to serenity, opening everywhere friday. hey, scifi junkie that i am, i own the complete firefly series and have watched it waaayyy too many times to be considered healthy. needless to say, friday can't come soon enough for me, especially with all the shit i have to do before then.
aside from that, just continuing to feel a lot comfier this year. severing all ties and starting fresh is always the way to go. yeah, that's what i'll be saying come december, stuck in delaware with all those lovely people i never want to see again. oh wait, i'll be skiing in germany. *ahem* never mind.
dahling roomie got me roses for my birthday. now they're drying upside-down in front of the window. so pretty.
i guess it's easy to see why you can lose faith in humanity, one person at a time, but i say why bother having any faith in 'em at all? it's just your loss when the shit hits the fan, and stupid you never even saw it coming. so i'm not changing my sn anytime soon, and i'm definitely not moving to another blog site. i enjoy messing with the java tags too much here. i'm even back on xanga, for two people. silly xanga. but i digress.
just thinking, i think maria's right. about not selling your friends up the river for sex. if you're shunting your friends to the side for mediocre sex, your priorities are fucked up. friends come first, you come second. sorry, just a small joke there. but seriously. i've done a lot of thinking about friends, and loyalty, in the past few months. and i realize whining about my friends not protecting me was slightly stoopid. really, what the hell was i even thinking, acting like that? i was just being too trusting, and having an incredibly shitty time in the process. i'm sick of trying to be all moralistic and holier-than-thou. i'm not going to be saying any more shit like, "gosh, guys! look, i'm bleeding in the water and the sharks are circling, but hey, this wasn't my fault! i tried to be your friend, and support you! and look what it got me!"
fuck that shit. none of us are any better than anyone else. so yeah, i fucked someone. dammit, i enjoy sex. i am a whore. i ignored my friends and pushed them away because i was having sex. i cheated, i lied, i (and this is the important one, folks!) did not communicate. god damn, they should put me the fuck away, where i can't hurt anyone else. and i can't promise i won't do it again. but i learnt a coupla important things last april, when i woke up early one morning. i was cold and completely alone, and i knew what i had done, and what i hadn't done. that was my low point. rock bottom. they say you can't value life until you've seen bottom, you know how bad it is. so i looked. and i knew. and my only friend stayed with me, which was i will always be more grateful for than i can ever express in words. as long as i can keep that in the back of my head, i'm good.
damn, and i kinda spiraled a little on that one. sorry about that, but i'm not actually apologizing. i'm going to the special hell, the one they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
but first i'll enjoy my youth. for, while it is not quite misspent, it's quite far from being anywhere near spent yet.
1 Comments:
i love you girl.
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Unknown, at 9:21 AM
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