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Sunday, April 09, 2006
ms. hardman goes to washingtonit's 4 a.m. on a sunday morning, and i noticed that there were people still on itunes. sharing music, i mean. people in my network. you know what i mean. i'm not that coherent right now. there are seventeen people, to be exact. i just counted. 4:08 (now) and 17 other people in this building are awake. i could probably figure out the mechanics, calculate and average exactly how many people per floor, if i really wanted to. three floors (not counting the basement, because those rooms are abandoned), and x number of rooms with x number of people in them, on each of those floors. there are, of course, less people on the first floor, what with the entryway-cum-lounge and all. it's not a very nice lounge (the dvd/vcr player is shot to shit), but there's a semi-in-tune piano, and the parquet floor is rather nice, all things considered. now it's 4:12. i'm really not used to being awake this early, though i have done it many times before, it was usually because i had a purpose, a reason, for being awake. i'm a person who enjoys and needs the maximum amount of sleep to function coherently. i blinked, and my eyes are burning. weird. maybe it's because i took my contacts out early. even when i'm the tiniest bit tired, my contacts will give me hell. i'm not nearly so tired wearing glasses. i've had a record low amount of sleep this past week, so i feel like maybe i should be worried about not getting it, now that the weekend's here. usually i can't be bothered before the early afternoon. i sat up in bed at 12:50 this afternoon (well, i guess it was actually yesterday afternoon), and i was dizzy. weird feeling, that. of course, i have had some weird dizzy spells before. i'm sure they're not related, but i am paranoid, so there you are. the one that really freaked me out was about a week ago. i was sitting on the bed, watching an old adventure film on turner classic movies and peeling an orange. suddenly, for absolutely no reason i could think of, i got dizzy. you know when you were a kid, and you would spin really fast, watching the room turn fasterfasterblurring around you? eventually you wouldn't be able to take it anymore and plop, exhausted, onto the sofa, staring blankly at the everything unstably driftingcirclingspiraling around you, and waiting for it to return to normal, like it infallibly and ineffably always did? well, it was like that, except i hadn't been spinning, and it went on for about five minutes. i couldn't really do anything except lean into the wall some more, shut my eyes, and wait for it to stop. but i'm pretty sure that was an isolated incident, because it hasn't happened since. one of those weird things where your brain suddenly decides to tilt forward in your skull and mess with you. and now i've got the less-sleep thing too. i stay up later and later, even when i know i have a 9 a.m. class the next day (later that morning), for absolutely no conceivable reason. just like now, when i think about it. except for the 9 a.m. thing. who would get up that early on a sunday morning? it's practically sacriligeous (ha ha ha)!
i feel unsettled, but then i do most of the time, so i don't think it's anything special. and my weekend has been exceptional, considering how much i hate my life. yesterday jenny picked me up at noon and we took the metro up to d.c. to see the cherry blossoms. i got to see all the wonderful asian art in the freer-sackler galleries at the smithsonian (we were looking at these amazing wall scrolls, and a woman next to us commented that if they were in japan, they would have been national treasures), and i really have to say, it was almost perfect. i have this thing about d.c. i've only visited it on school trips and the like, to see the monuments and museums, and i have this sort of idealistic naivete about the place. not like i think it's the perfect city or anything like that. i think the whole school trip/culture thing combined with my longtime love of the west wing to form into....well, something good and happy and completely unrealistic. since, in my continuing d.c. obssession, the only paper i read is the washington post, i know about the problems. i know about the crime, and the metro, and the housing, and a gazillion other flaws (not to say d.c. has more of these than any other large city). but none of it really sticks, otherwise i wouldn't have been standing in the middle of the Mall, snapping pics of the capitol building with my camera phone (i don't think it has zoom, so it looked like a teeny white blob), practically jumping up and down with glee, and just generally being excited about being in d.c.
though it was a damned nice day for it. the torrential rain and wind came later in the evening. being in d.c. on april 7, 2006, at 2:00 p.m., was perfect. walking along the water, across from the jefferson memorial, was perfect. lying on a blanket and staring up at the cherry blossoms against the giotto blue vault was perfect (though i did get sunburnt, i discovered later. it was only a few hours! i am translucent). though of course that stupid phone call screwed it up (something always screws it up), i ended up questioning my life yet again, and i had to play fake happy for a while until i could forget and be happy again, it was nice. and so was having a great time with my friends. though it was the first time i met corinne, we bonded almost instantaneously and made asses of ourselves running up the broken escalator out of the metro (the one that goes straight up, almost vertical, forever, of course. i courted death that day. i swear my thigh muscles liquified), and then in that awesome restaurant, laughing like idiots and somehow breaking the table (totally not my fault). it was like having a normal life, and i really enjoyed it.
so, at 4:51 in the morning, i feel better. still seventeen people in my itunes network. i bet they just left their computers on while they slept, the bastards. i realize i mostly come on blogger to angst, but writing really does help me work out my issues, which is why i try not to edit my posts later on. this is how i feel, right now, at 4:53 a.m. on sunday, april 9, 2006.
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