i wonder why it always happens that, when i take the time and energy to loathe a particular musical artist with every fiber of my being, that i then stumble across one song of theirs that i fall terribly and passionately in love with. and no matter how much i hate the artist, i can't hate this one song. obviously some amorphous nonentity up, down, over, or around there has a sense of humor. some examples of this strange and horrible phenomenon: "spitting games" by snow patrol, "dancing queen" by abba (not sure if this counts as i hate the abba version; i LOVE the hindi version as covered by salma & sabina agha), "moving out" by billy joel, "she bangs" by ricky martin...you know what, i'm not even going to continue with this list. it becomes steadily more embarassing to myself, and i think that it happens on purpose, so i can't categorically state that i hate a given artist. if i like ONE song of theirs, it doesn't count...? no matter. that was weird. iunno.
not feeling very profound right now. if i'm like this now, i'm going to be absolutely insufferable during spring semester, when we only get one break and have to go an even longer time just at school. hard to tell. feel like snapping. doesn't work this way, really. wish i had my own room. "the grave's a fine and private place, but none, i think, do there embrace."
urge to take something that's doing fine and fuck it up past all recognizance. because, i suppose that i had a pretty decent weekend. i was doing ok at the beginning of the semester. i really was. sleep less, worry more, goes downhill. though i did my share of stressing over the summer, that was in a slightly different vein. doesn't count? how do people react to stress over extended periods of time? i want it to be only my space, and i live here, and my rules only. really. how soon is now?
really don't like adjusting to other peoples' schedules. pissed off at scrabbling around in the dark. want to stop this. leave.
after hearing the blue danube waltz in so many things (movies, tv shows, car commercials), i've recently taken to listening to it in its entirety. pleasantly surprised, as i forgot how good it was. maybe i never knew. but it's beautiful all by itself. strauss knew his shit. music can triumph, and this one does. i like that sense of triumph. gorgeous. last semester it was mozart's symphony no. 40, 3rd movement, and chopin's nocturne in e minor. not that i stopped listening to those; i've just added on. want to hear musetta's waltz on the electric guitar.
point is, i don't care; doesn't mean that other people don't. but is it i don't care if they care or i don't think that they should care or what? again beside the point.
really not going anywhere, stuck at fifty percent. i think the college is crippling certain types of downloads. it's just pissing me off.
even chopin triumphs in death, at the end.
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