Labels: captain jack harkness, i'm in a secret organization that the whole universe knows about but it's ok because everyone shags everyone else, not just the teaboy, who? exactly.
i wanna smack rtd for chad wotshisface (he looks like a chad, therefore he is) going "and who the hell are you anyway, herm herm hrem?" just so tennanty tens can do the dramatic turny-aroundy whatnot and then go "OI'M THA MUTHAFUCKIN DOCTAH! OI'M A TIIIME LUD!!!! I'M FROM THE GALLIFREY BLAH-DE-BLAAAH (SHOUTOUT TO RASSILON LOVE TO MAH PEEPS FO LYFE!)!!!! OI'M 902 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU AH!!!! I'M GONNA SAVE EVRY LAST MUTHAFUCKAH ON DIS HIER BOATY-SHIP WHATNOTS AND THEN ON THE MUTHAFUCKIN EARTHS JUST COS!!!! AND I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MUTHAFUCKIN SNAKES ON THIS MUTHAFUCKIN PLANE!!!!" with the explody flamy-flames of dramaticness in the background.
inspiring music: *swells*
kylie: *moist*
everyone else: well, shit. okay then. allons-fucking-y.
and then at the end when he fucking STRIDES DRAMATICALLY TOWARDS THE CAMERA IN SLO-MO WHILST SHIT BLOWS UP BEHIND HIM. this is not lethal weapon. or die hard. or even bad boys. please stop that.
and then he was all I AM TEH MESSIAH. PEAS ON EARHT. NOT DYIN FO YOUR SINS, THO. SRY. i swear to god when they crossed arms i thought that they were going to break into a chorus line.
but tennant can do it, because he really is the doctor. i think he can pretty much act the shit out of whatever crap they give him.
kylie? not so much. aargh. i just cannot take her seriously. she may not be bright but she'll sure take care of you! maid fantasy much? cute boots, though. oh, doctor. you're not really sad, are you? nope. i want to smack rtd again. NO MORE KISSING OF THE COMPANIONS, DAMMIT!!!! NO MOAR FRAKKIN TECHNICALITIES OR TRADITIONS REQUIRING THE JOINAGE OF TEH MOUTHS!!! TOUCHING LIPS CONSTITUTES A REAL KISS!!! TEH DOCTOR IS NOT A BOY TOY!!!! TEH DOCTAH IS NOT NEEDING TO SEX EVERY1 HE IS MEETING!!!! WHEN SOME1 IS ASKING IF THEY CAN GO FOR A RIDE IN HIS TARDIS IT IS NOT A EUPHEMISM FOR PLS PLS STICK YOUR TONGUE IN MY MOUTH!!!! tom baker never had to put up with this shit. so help me, the next doctor after tennant (but he is never going, cos he'll be the doctor forever, oh yes he is) had damn well better be alan greenspan. ain't nobody touching that.
and they give her the alien tech that looks exactly like a dildo. pls tell me is not just me?
how can mr. alonzo sexy back with his sticky-outy ears survive for the entire length of the ep with a gut shot? alonso would make a better companion than astrid. just look at him! don't you just wanna wrap a rubber band around his head to train his ears not to stick out? you know you do!
and the little red alien only exists in order for him and everyone else to have to speak his CRAAAAZY alien name ad nauseam, which wasn't cute the first time around with pokemon. SO I HERD U LIEK MUDKIPS!!!!!!!11111
i wonder how high the body count has to get before the doctor grits and teeth, goes, "no more," and strides off to Do Something. like before he's only been dicking around but now he's gonna really get down to sirrus bidness.
rtd, honey, don't show the queen in rollers. she deserves your respect. and her little corgi too. "thank you, doctah, fo savin mah lifs!!!!" *waves*
a modest proposal for next year's xmas speshul: nobody dies. absolutely no-one. not even Anonymous Henchman Number Three. everyone goes shopping and absolutely fails to get killed by a mannequin. there are no evil aliens attempting world destruction. it snows for real. a lot. everyone has a big snowball fight (using the tardis as your fort is not allowed, as that's cheating) before tramping inside to eat cheese-and-pickle sandwiches and watch eastenders. the doctor explains which actors are gay, which are aliens, and which are not really actors at all but OH GOD IT'S THE SONTARANS!!! ahahaha just kidding, it's nothing but an oddly shaped potato, and everyone has a good laugh before baking it in the fire whilst singing carols. as the tardis dematerializes, the doctor shouts out the door, "merry christmas to all, and to all a good night!" and even harriet jones can't help but agree.
and i'm not going to speculate on series four. at all. really.
moving on to a much closer and highly-anticipated occasion: TORCHWOOD SERIES TWO!!!!!
new trailer up! turn up your volume and let the anticipation build:
*breathes heavily*
oh please, let it be good. pleeeeeease. rtd, i will smack you a third time if you screw with me on this. there will be shirtless!spike. there will be snarky!andy. there will be explosions. there will be mayhem. there will be gore. there will be general bad-assedness. and there will be jackanto for all. YES. that last point is completely non-negotiable.
are we clear? good.
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